work

It's a necessary evil. Some people like their jobs, others don't. I began my tenure with the company I work for now nearly five years ago. At that time, the job was everything I wanted and seemed to be the perfect entrance to my career. Now, after multiple promotions, I have seemed to settle into a comfortable position that one would think could challenge my mind, keep me on my toes and overly interested in the day to day requirements.

However, if you read closely, you will see above I used the word 'settle'. This generally isn't a good thing for me. I thrive on change, the unknown and unpredictable circumstances. Having settled into a position and allowing it to become normal, routine, and therefore no longer interesting, may have just very well put the nail into the coffin of this 'job'.

For the past half year, things have become monotonous and stale. Patch this, upgrade that, restore this file, rebuild that server. Blah, blah, blah... Initially, this job was full of unknowns to me. Rebuilding a server was an adventure; tweaking, customizing, etc. Patches and upgrades were accomplished with self-pride; knowing that what I am about to do will help maintain stability. All of these tasks are now overly routine.

This makes me unhappy. If you read one my previous entries titled 'Happiness', you could probably guess that is quite an issue for me. To solve this issue, I attempt to make work more enjoyable again. Since the company is fairly stubborn and hard-headed toward new ideas and technologies, I have to play by myself in my lab.

I have some pretty cools stuff in there; mostly Linux based things. I ignore the work that needs to be accomplished, instead, focusing on this fun stuff that will never see light outside the lab. That makes me unhappy also. I long for the days when I worked for a modestly sized public library system in the suburbs of Oklahoma City. That was a fun job. Innovation was not a word thrown around on a daily basis, rather, it was the work ethic expected in the IT department. If you had a new idea, you were obligated to share it, more importantly, obligated to at least try it out.

It seemed as if the sky was the limit there. The politics were minimal when it came to the everyday operations of the IT department. No bias toward one operating system or computer hardware platform. There were defined lines as to who did what, but the lines seemed to blur across the department. No one individual was solely responsible for any one system. And everything was up for the taking when it came to improvements.

I still to this day wake up having wonderfully entertaining dreams about working for the library system. Having my free reign back; feeling like I was making a positive contribution everyday. Instead, I now sit in a dark room, play with my never to be used Linux equipment and hope someone will call me with an important job.

I've been waiting for a while for that to happen, and with the new management structure, the wait seems to have been extended. I am forgotten about more and more. The phone calls and emails to me lessen. My ideas are not utilized, my opinions are not sought. I have become too distant from my colleagues in Delaware. I am the only one at the Atlanta office with a job like mine. I do work with a team of five other guys, but they are in Delaware. So, it's easy for them to forget about me until something in Atlanta breaks.

This past month has been quite rough. Two fatal server crashes which resulted in me working 24 to 30 hours without rest. A financial system I manage has decided it needs more attention; it has crashed more time that I can count the past few weeks. Unfortunately, it can only be maintained during the early hours of the morning.

Last night, I spent three hours at the office- on a Sunday night. I always hate it when I have to work during the early hours of the morning. I arrived at midnight and didn't leave until nearly 3am. This puts me home close to 3:30am, which means I don't sleep all that well. Plus, my sleep schedule is all fucked up now and will take a good part of the week to balance out again.

Moreover, somehow I fell asleep with my neck in the wrong position. This morning I have what one would call a stiff neck. It is quite painful when I attempt to turn my head. Hopefully it will work itself out before Radiohead concert tonight. Until then, I will continue to blame this pain in my neck on the job which I could refer to as a pain in the ass.

All the excitement of the past month has helped enormously to make the effort of going to work and actually working more tolerable. I have submitted an application to return to school. I am hoping to once again begin my endeavor to finish college and attain a degree in Finance. This gives me some hope and something to look forward to. It will definitely help break up the monotony of the job and maybe help reshape the current career path.

I'd like to stay in technology. Hopefully, my career path can lead me to a job where I can utilize both my technical background and my future degree. My only hope is that I don't settle into that job either.